Google+ Mommy Moments with Abby: Test Run your Potential Replacement Parents!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Test Run your Potential Replacement Parents!

This may seem morbid or maybe it just never crossed your mind, but do you have your will set up with stipulations on who takes care of the kids and pets? Have you asked these people if they would be able to and willing to take on the parent role? There are so many movies out there of people left children who had no idea they were in line to be a parent or who agreed ages ago never thinking it would happen and forgot; this got me thinking. So, we sat down many times to figure out who would be first, second, and third in line for the role of parent should anything happen.

Next, approaching these choices to get their opinion on being a replacement parent. This led me to my next dilemma, people are willing to accept this role immediately, but are they really ready and understanding of what that means? So, why not give yourself a break and them a taste of what they are agreeing to take on. I don't know about you, but I surely don't want my last thought to be I hope, so and so, are ready! Please let everyone (kids, dogs, and people taking them on) be OK! I suggest when you approach your first choice (doing this with all choices is up to you and remember down the road you may switch or need to update these choices so you may not need to test all of your picks) ask them to do a test run. Test running your replacement!??!!! I know many of you are probably thinking the word, "WHAT" or "HUH", about now. Think about it this way, in giving your kids to someone you are willing to leave them with upon your death for 2 nights and 3 days you are giving them a fair look at what their lives will become and allowing yourself to know if your choice was a good one.

Make sure to have the medical records and all the things needed for the kids supplied/rented/or somehow already at their home. Give them an outline of the typical day, issues (biting, opening drawers, saying no to everything, or whatever else your child is currently exhibiting), your child’s favorite foods, foods that won't be eaten, how you discipline, favorite activities, how they sleep, bathing schedule, and sleeping schedule. Once you've made this, just updated it as time goes by and things change saving it on your computer in case something happens for an easier transition. Now is the hard part, leave. Go on a mini-break with your hubby, dog, friend, or whatever your situation. Keep your phone on at all times, but other than a text check in call after the kids should be down for the night to allow for proper adjustment by the kids. The kids will remember you when you get back, but you want to limit the potential for additional issues by the kids being reminded of your absence. They will cry at first, they will still ask for you at times, but they and the potential parents need to figure out how they work without you.

The goal after all is to make sure the potential parents really want to change their lives so radically if something happened to you, if their lives can even fit this massive undertaking, and if they want to leave their previous fun/give the baby back when poopy roles for the harder role of a replacement parent. Secondary goal is to see if you really do trust and feel comfortable with the choice. You may be surprised by anxiety or fear you feel during the separation. Lastly, is this a good fit? You may not have many options you feel comfortable with and thus your choices limited, but you want to make sure the kids would continued to be disciplined in a familiar way to the kids and that they would respond to their new parental figures.

Enjoy your trip as you don't get many without the kids! When you get back the kids will be clingy because they missed you, but if they are still comfortable, uninjured, seemingly happy, and other than a potential disruption in sleep or eating due to adjusting to your absence and return than you can now put your will together with the knowledge that both you and the potential replacement parents fully understand what will happen and that it will work out fine. Now, your last thought can be (should that moment come before planned) "I love you family and will always watch over you, knowing you are safe and loved."

I realize this is morbid and we don't want to think about it, but we owe our children the preparedness and planning to ensure they will continue to be raised the way we intend with their best interest at heart by people willing and aware of what that means for the kids and their own lives. In closing, we never know where life will take us or when it will end, but we can plan to make the lives of those around us easier by organizing our desires and expressing our will clearly with thorough planning. Have fun in the time you have and as a parent plan for the time you’re gone so your children don't have to worry past getting through any grief and holding on to the happy memories you create while you’re here!


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